Jim and tonic

A shaken and stirred conclusion to Jim's tour of duty free

(Note: Conversations are in Malay, English translation in blue.)



It was a good two minutes of staring at the band when the GRO attempted another conversation with Jim.

“Girlfriend kamu dari mana? [Where’s your girlfriend from? ]” She asked.
“Miri” Jim answered, they continued looking at the band.

“Bila mau kahwin? [When are you getting married? ]” she pressed on.
“Ah, belum lagi. Duit tak ada lagi. Kereta belum beli, rumah belum beli [Ah, not the time yet. Money’s not enough. I haven’t bought a car, or a house ] ” explained Jim.
She nodded and finished her drink.

Jim saw this and prayed for help. There was nothing else to discuss. He’s damn sure she would soon order another drink.

Sure enough, she asked “Satu lagi beer ya? [Another glass of beer ya? ]”
“F***!! How the hell did I get into this? She’s about to suck another fourteen bucks and all I have is one! ” Jim complained in silence.

“Swipe…” the devil called.
“F*** you inner voice. I’m not charging my card for this GRO, not worth it!!! Screw the ‘priceless’ ad for Mastercard” (Yeah, he only brought Visa)

Horror struck as Jim nodded and said OK.
“Black magic woman!” he thought, angry at the seemingly mystical force empowering her.

Then she asked again “Belanja satu lagi minum ya? [Buy me another drink ya? ]”

‘Dear Lord, thank you for giving me a second chance to say “No, f*** off! Amen’, he gave thanks, broke the gridlock and bravely said “Tak ada cash lah, tinggal berapa ringgit lagi [I’ve got no more cash, just a few bucks left ]”

“Satu saja bah, boleh bah [Only one, please… ]” she pleaded.
‘When did she became a Sabahan bah? Or Sarawakian bah!’ Jim thought.
‘Bah! I don’t care, I’m still going to say I have no cash.’ he strategized.

Holding her hands on his lap he said to her “Ok, tak apa, saya mau balik, jadi kita dua angkat sama-sama [Ok, tell you what, I gotta go, so we’ll both get up ]”. He hoped she understood the plan to save face, so nobody gets embarrassed.

“Ambil duit ya [To get cash ya… ]” she suggested bitchfully (Jim’s word, not mine. I’d put ‘cheerfully’)
“Tak, tak, Saya mau balik, tak cukup duit sudah ni [No, no. I have to go, no more cash here ]”
“Boleh bah, ambil duit. Datang sini lagi…[Sure you can, get cash. Come right back ]” she persuaded.

“Tak boleh lah. Ok. [I really can’t. Ok ]” with all his might Jim lifted his glass and tried to drain the remaining half of his Long Island tea. It almost blew his brains out. But his glass wasn’t even empty yet! (How optimistic)

“So” he started “Lenny, saya balik dulu, nice meeting you, jumpa lagi [Lenny, I’m leaving now, nice meeting you, see you around ]

(Yeah, I hear you, when did that name, Lenny, came about? Anyway, )

Jim held her hand, reached for her left cheek and gave her a quick kiss. She looked at him wide eyed and smiled, finally saying “Ok, bye, see you”

Jim smiled back as he began to step away, telling himself ‘Now, all you have to do is keep walking, and don’t let the booze get to you and fall smack on your face! Walk straight damn it!’

‘Wait a minute, why did I kiss her? That could cost me.’ He thought. He dared not look back lest a bouncer or two catch up with him and demanded he pay for the kiss.

Finally reaching the door, he grabbed the handle, swung it open and took in a deep breath of island breeze. Musty but fresh. Jim Beam-ed. Damn! He was relieved to be out of the ego trap. How could he have said no to buying a woman’s drink, or denying her a seat by his side? Or admitting he has enough money for himself only.

‘F***! That bitch cost me fourteen bucks, and a little leftover of Long Island! What a waste! I can’t drink all that in less than 10 minutes!’ He thought, as he carefully arranged his steps toward the hotel, just 10 meters away.

‘What a way to end the evening - early, broke and sad, and still lonely (not that it was an issue really) Well, at least I didn’t screw up so bad. No sir, I wasn’t screwed. I didn’t screw! Not tonight! Hmmm, is that good or bad?’such was his reasoning; his head was quite messed up, (yeah, both of them).

Back at the hotel lobby, he tried to calm down. He sat at the sofa near the reception, reading the newspaper. After a while he approached the male receptionist whom he thought should know a trick or two, being in the business and all.

“How do I reject a GRO here in Labuan? Any tips? Coz they’re quite a nuisance really. I just got back from the club across the road. All I wanted to do in there was enjoy the live band, me and my drink, and this GRO just ruined everything?” Jim explained.

“Oh, Just say no. It’s that easy” explained the receptionist.

“They won’t get offended or mark you and stuff? You know, I’m an outsider and it’s pretty obvious. This is my first time here and I’ve heard rumors, horror I tell you” Jim needed a confirmation.

“Nah, as long as you’re polite they’re okay with it. It’s their job. They’ll just go for the next potential client” the receptionist assured him.

‘Oh I was polite alright; too polite for my own good. I guess entertaining an approaching woman dressed to kill means something else here” he thought. (It means you’re in the zone - sex for hire, get it while it’s hot! Oh who am I kidding - It’s always hot!)

Jim walked back to his room reflecting on his experience. In his room he sat at the writing table, thinking ‘damn, how dumb can one get? I must not forget this incident.’ He opened his journal and started to write…

Labuan, March 27, 2004.

My Fourteen Ringgit GRO………

(Cheap. Now that’s priceless!)